Open-Source Mascots I Would Beat in a Fight
Okay. So here is the deal, let's say that I am in a hand-to-hand fight with an open-source mascot, could I beat them up in a fight or would they destroy me?
Here are the rules: This is hand-to-hand, so even if the character is seen with some item on them, they are not allowed to use it, same goes for myself - no items. Second, this list is only meant to say how well or poorly I would do in a fight and no way represents how I feel about a certain project. Please think of this list as only a joke, if you are a dev and you get offended that I put your character on here, I am willing to sort it out further by offering to fight you, yes you, in a one-on-one death match as a way of getting revenge.
Green means that I win the match, yellow means that there are no winners, and red means that I will lose.
Okay, but for real, this is only meant to be a silly list and I thank everyone on this page for submitting their work so it is open-source. I myself benefit from open projects on the day-to-day, using apps like VLC, Xfce, Linux, and Firefox - I'm sure without them, I would be quite lost.
Oh! Also fellow Neocities person, Owls, made own page on reviewing Linux distros by how well their logos would work as weapons, so check that ouuuut.
Again, this list is only here as a bit of fun and does not reflect my opinion of the projects of the people who are apart of it at all.
Result: Cass, what is this list?
Misskey, as its website says, «is an open source, decentralized social media platform that's free forever!» - oh my. This project seems to be aiming to be like the Twitter of the Fediverse - it also seems to be a bit like Mastodon, but with more added to it, for example, people can react to posts with emojis. Mastodon will interpret this as favourites while Pleroma will show Unicode reactions and ignore the rest.
You can also write messages in a Markdown-variant, something that the Join the Fediverse Wiki says has added support for special effects like bouncing text and sparkles. DeepL Translator can also be used, but the admin will need to configure it as a way to translate posts.
Okay, now that's out of the way, let's talk about why I'm going to beat up an innocent catgirl.
See, just look at her, she has nothing on her, she's weak and I bet that's thanks to her being on a computer all day writing code and watching anime, while I spend all of my days, yes, on the computer coding - but, I look at Fur Affinity, so hopefully, you can see why I would win this fight... yeah...
Going to be honest when I say this, there's really not all that much I can say here - she's just some anime girl.
Result: I hope she dates me
AROS Research Operating System (or just AROS) is the name of the free and open-source multi-media-centric implementation of the AmigaOS 3.1 application programming interface (API) and has been made to be portable and flexible. It's also very old, being actively worked on since 1995(!!!).
The mascot for AROS is Kitty the... the... wo...woah... she's like, like... mm...
Um. So... Kitty is a... a catgirl, uh, catwoman who... uhhhh... Kitty is... oh G
Result: I'm doing the Lord's work
The BSD Daemon, also known as Beastie, is the generic mascot of BSD operating systems, they are named after software daemons. The BSD Daemon is not fully open-source as you need to get permission from Marshall Kirk McKusick on using the devil, but seeing that he is so near open-source, he's on this list (and also people would bug me to have him here).
Look at this guy. He's soft. He's weak. He's losing. I'm winning.
«But Cass, he has a pitchfork, can you see?» Oh, I know about that, but remember, this is hand-to-hand combat, and even if he was able to use his pitchfork, he'd still lose to me, what is he, like 90CM tall? Yeah, he is going straight back to Hell.
Result: Not making any friends here, but I'm not going to get beaten by a dumb crab
Rust, as the website for it says, is a «language empowering everyone to build reliable and efficient software», looking at code examples of it on places like Wikipedia, it kind of looks easy to pick up and learn. While Rust does not have an official mascot for it, community members for it (who call themselves «Rustaceans» (a pun on crustaceans)) have come up with Ferris, a cute crab creature that serves as the unofficial mascot, as seen below waving the trans flag.
Okay, here comes the best part and/or the worst.
Babe... I don't know about you, but I sure as hell do not want my ass handed to me by a crab, I'm sorry, but if I go into a fighting ring with Ferris, I would not know how I would not win. I could tip them over, kick them, anything. Look bud, I am not gonna lose this match. End of.
Result: No way, mate
The Wikimedia Cloud Services (WMCS) is the name of a «flexible computing ecosystem built on OpenStack, GridEngine, and Kubernetes». The project allows anyone to be helped in testing and debugging in their instances. Not going to lie, I explained that poorly, but that is only as I'm not fully sure what this is lmao, just out here writing it.
used to be am a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and let me tell you, despite being little horses, some of them can really fight for their lives, and friendship may be magic, but going to the E.R. room is less so. I'm not going to win a fight against a horse, let alone a unicorn, sod that. Horses are strong things, have you ever seen one in person? Big things that you don't want to mess with.
I reckon that what will happen is either, one, I'll get stabbed with that horn of theirs, two, they will run at me and trample me over, or three, I'll get run over and stabbed, so it's not looking good for your old pal Cass. Oh well, that's what I get for making this list.
Result: Not even worth trying
While I've always been more of a fan of id Software games like Doom and Quake, I think it's fair to say that getting to play Duke Nukem is also very entertaining, and it's very nice to see that people still care for the other Duke Nukem games that isn't just Duke Nukem 3D - this is to say, the first Duke Nukem game, now having its own open-source brother, Dave Gnukem (love the pun).
Okay, let's be real here. If anyone tried to go up against Duke Nukem, or even Dave Gnukem, then they are toast. This is like asking would a normal person win in a fight against Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, it's just not happening.
My ass is grass
Result: Thank God for the NHS
Starting in 2009, Dragora GNU is an independent GNU/Linux-Libre distribution that has been «based on concepts of simplicity». It was made to be entirely free software.
I feel like there are so many ways that I can say «Wow, this thing is going to kill me», but wow, this thing is going to kill me, easy. I feel like there's no point in even calling me an ambulance as I would be ripped apart in seconds, making me look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Well done Dragora GNU, you win easily.
Despite being by the Wikimedia Foundation, the people who made Wikipedia, the page for Wikimedia Enterprise on Wikipedia is very small, but to break down what this project is, it's to give a more easily consumable way of getting the data of projects from Wikimedia, including Wikipedia.
They made the squirrel bi! Okay, but for real, am I going mad? Why is the squirrel the colors of the bisexual flag? Who knows, uh, either way, they are a squirrel, just pick the bastard up by their tail, swing around your head a bit, then let go - too easy. Boom.
Note that below isn't the official render of the mascot, but art by FibberPony. I used this art as it's quite cute, so the thought of a fully grown woman swinging a squirrel around her head is even more absurd.
Result: I'd do it
Friendica is, to quote the Join the Fediverse Wiki, «a social network and one of the Fediverse's replacements for Facebook.», «Friendica combines a lot of the functionality from Facebook & Twitter. You can tag users and groups, send direct messages, use and follow hashtags, create photo albums & events, like, dislike and comment on posts & re-share posts».
Okay. Please just look at this little thing. They are what, a toy? I'm a grown ass-adult, I can take on this creature easy. Look, this guy just looks weak. He's weak. I'm... well, look, I'm on a computer all day, but this guy is a bunny,,, so,... yeah.
Oh, I don't know, I guess I could like, like you know, rip off their ears. Hm. I'm starting to feel bad for this page, sorry, devs.
Result: This is what I get for making this list
Mastodon is the open-source project for making your own self-hosted social networking services that other people can connect to.
This is what I get. This is what I get for making this list. Well, look. Florence is a mastodon. Do you really think that anyone could fist-fight a mastodon? Yeah. No.
What is this list?
Result: *Snap* That's one of the books!
If Mastodon is the open-source version of Twitter, then Pixelfed is the open-source version of Instagram, but unlike IG, anyone can set up their own server that is able to talk to other servers as Pixelfed is a part of the fediverse.
So, to be honest, I don't really know that much about red pandas, but looking at them on Wikipedia, it tells me that they are found in Japan, they are also known as the lesser panda, cat-bear, bear-cat, and firefox - they also look very cute.
So anyway, the mascot for Pixelfed is also a red panda, and, honestly... yeah, I could mercilessly kick the living shrungus out of this cute little thing, I'd just take hold of their tail and swing him above my head. I might have unchecked anger issues here.
Result: I'm dead
Note: I have actually contributed to this project, so there might be some bias.
Freedoom is the name of a stand-alone game based on the Doom engine. All material in the project is released under a modified BSD license - the game is legit very fun to play.
Look, I'll be honest here - if Freedoom Guy, or as the community call him «Karl», wanted me dead, that's it for me, like, this guy, this mother can punch out a demon with their bare fists, it's the end for me. No contest - it's goodnight Vienna for myself.
Result: Uh,, rematch?
What even is GNU?? Well,,, it's like the free software people, like, let's just say this, these people love free software (free as in freedom!) so much that its founder, Richard Matthew Stallman (rms) is one of those nerds who just refuses to use anything that is closed-source. I mean, fair, but also shut up.
Now, onto its mascot -- while they are usually just seen as just their head, official artwork has shown a full body, so I thnk it would be a little weird if I were to fight just a head, I mean, can a head on its own even move??
Well look, we all know where this is going to go. No way on Earth can I win a fight with a beast like the GNU mascot, I'm like,,, a normal-sized gal, so I can tell you for a fact that this guy is going to run up to me and stab me with their horns and I'll be dead in a matter of seconds. Free software wins again.
Result: I'm going to get my skin ripped off
GNU MediaGoblin, or just «MediaGoblin» or «GMG», is the name of a free and open-source decentralized Web platform that allows users to host and share many types of digital media that is a part of the fediverse and is meant to be a replacement for websites like Flickr, DeviantArt, and YouTube.
Now, would I beat their mascot in a fight? No, no, no. I don't want to ever mess with any goblin. Just the idea of them running up to me and jumping up to eat my face really makes me glad that they don't exist in real life... Or do they?! Yeah, but for real, this guy is gonna run up to me, jump up and eat my face off. But jokes aside, this guy is gonna run up to me, jump up, and eat my face off.
But anyway, yeah, I'd be eaten up in a really horrible way that not even AO3 could fully describe. I wonder how the people who work on GNU MediaGoblin would feel knowing that their mascot would run up to someone, jump up, and, you guessed it, eat their face off.
Result: The voices in my head won
Being made in 2009 by Google of all companies, Go is a statically typed, compiled high-level programming language that is similar to C, but also has memory safety, garbage collection, structural typing.
It is also known as Golang due to the name of the former website, golang.org. It is used by small indi websites like Google (duh), PayPal, Netflix, Twitter, American Exspress, and a few others.
Oh man, do you ever get that one intrusive thought that's like «What if I kicked this thing so hard it went flying»? No? Just me, well I think it would be really funny to just boot this little guy like they're a football or something, just, wee! Off they go, into the clouds.
Haha, oh man, that's messed up *Cass proceeds to publish the text*.
Result: He's an old man... come on...
KDE are a community that makes free software, including a desktop environment called KDE Plasma for operating systems based on Linux or UNIX
Okay. Do you want me to say it?
Fine. I'd just push this old and ageing man over and I'd win. There - are you happy?? Match over, Cass wins, game, one-nill to Miss Owl over here.
Krita is a free and open-source art program that has been used by artists since 2005. It can be ran on Windows, macOS, Linux, Android, and Chrome OS.
See, I'm unsure if I could take on Kiki, I'll be honest, she looks like she is holding back some serious power and could beat me up with her tail also, or not, I'm not sure, she might be easy to take on and I could kick her furry ass - so in the end, I am unsure about this.
Result: I hate this list. But I could do it.
The Join the Fediverse Wiki is the name of a wiki that was made as a way to aid people who might not know how to use the Fediverse all that well. The owl mascot that you see below was made by David Revoy, who also made Pepper&Carrot.
Okay, so I first saw this post on my timeline an hour or so after it was made and I found the owl to be very cute, but look. This bird is not going to fly back home tonight. Do you really think that they could take me? Yeah. It's not going to be nice at all, this is going to be too easy for me.
NOW LOOK. I don't want to do this at all, but if someone were to pay me, you know... money is money... soooo...
*Cass reads back what they wrote*
According to Wikipedia: «Raft is a consensus algorithm designed as an alternative to the Paxos family of algorithms. It was meant to be more understandable than Paxos by means of separation of logic, but it is also formally proven safe and offers some additional features. Raft offers a generic way to distribute a state machine across a cluster of computing systems, ensuring that each node in the cluster agrees upon the same series of state transitions. It has a number of open-source reference implementations, with full-specification implementations in Go, C++, Java, and Scala. It is named after Reliable, Replicated, Redundant, And Fault-Tolerant.»
IDK what that means.
But anyway, bro... What? What is that mascot? That's just a raft? Are we going off Thomas the Tank Engine logic here or...? I don't know what to say here, I mean, look at them, they are just wood.
Can I beat wood?? I meeean, I don't know. Can this thing move? I guess I could like, peel off the top layer of wood on this thing.
Result: I'm dead
Firefox is the name of a web browser made by Mozilla, being worked on since 2002, it can run on macOS, Windows, Linux, and so much more. At the start of the life for the project, it was called Phoenix and had, no suprise, a phoenix as its mascot.
Let me ask you this, could you beat a phoenix? Like, it's a... it's a firebird, you know, made out of fire. If anyone tied to fight a firebird, then they would get hurt and hurt bad. Look, if you think that you can take on this mother, be my gest, but it won't look nice and I know that I would be dead in seconds.
Result: Let's call it even?
Neocities is the name of a free webhost where you are able to make your own static website.
I'll be honest, cats kind of scare me, I feel like whenever I pet them, they are seconds away from scratching me - dogs? Sure, I'm fine with dogs, but cats? Little bastards.
So, what would this mean? It would mean that if I were to fight Penny, then it would freak me out as I would be scared of being skratched to death, so I guess I would be unsure if I were to even fight Penny The Cat.
Result: I'd do it, but I would be crying
Pleroma is the name of the free social networking service that anyone is able to use, get this, for free.
I'll be honest. I could take on Pleroma-tan, would I enjoy it? No, but if I had to, then I'm going to beat up an innocent foxgirl.
Look, I'll be real here, she's a very cute mascot and I always have been a sucker for anthro characters. But I would be able to beat her up. Yeah.
What is this list?
I like the idea of Puppy Linux a lot as rather than just chucking away some old laptop or computer that you may have, you can simply just install this lightweight distro on it, something that is much better than running the current OS on it, as there might be a sucurity rick.
You know in Of Mice and Men when Lennie, uh, spolier, is found with the puppy in the barn that he killed? Well look, do you really think it's that hard to kill a puppy? I could do it! Yeah, and this little guy is justa small dog, I'm a fully-gown woman in her prime, this dog is going to doggy Heaven!
I don't think I want to carry on writing...
Result: I'm turning into a human smoothie
Note: I have actually contributed to this project, so there might be some bias.
Despite being mostly a Doom player since 2015 or so, I know that Quake is a lot of fun... like a lot, so it's cool to know that there is currently a project with the aim of using the source code for the game and making an open-source campaign, introducing: LibreQuake.
I'm sure I'll try my very best, but let's all be real here for a moment. If I'm - or hell, anyone for that matter - tries to take on The Restless, they are not going to have a chance at all in trying to win a fight with this guy - and guess what? If I do get killed, that's okay, why? Because it means that I will no longer be able to make this terrible, just terrible list.
Image credit: Concept art given to me by the dev of the project, license under BSD3 - thank you
Result: I'd do it, but I would be crying
Mobilizon, as made by the French not-for-profit Framasoft, is «a tool that helps you find, create and organize events», to quote the website. It is used as an «ethical alternative to Facebook events, groups and pages» without things such as having no likes, or followers, and will give you control back to you. It also has the benafit of being federated.
This seems to be quite a good idea that I can get behind, and I suspect that if I was going to be a part of a group, this might be a good option to use.
So, storytime: The other day, a really cute hit me up online and was like «Cass, I really enjoyed our date the other day, I think I want you to be my girlfriend, can we go out tonight??». Anyway, they broke up with me after I told them about this page. Oh well. But you know what? I feel like that gave me the sheer rage to take on this small little animal that was put on this Earth, not to do wrong, but to spread the good word of open-source.
Rose did not return home to her family.
Result: I'm going to get strangled, huh?
Being an open-source and decentralized video service, PeerTube was made, according to its website was made as a way to «take back control of your videos» - think of it as like an open version of YouTube where anyone can have their own video website, it's kind of like the Mastodon of video websites. Oh wait, I get it, «PeerTube» like peer-too-peer!
Sepia Search, as the name suggests, is a search engine that was made by Framasoft, the same company that also made PeerTube. It can search hundreds of Peertube instances for a video or channel that you want to find.
Unless you're Homer Simpson, you're not going to get yourself in a fight with an octopus, sorry to say. Look, dude, Sepia has four tentacles that they can use to strangle me, they may look cute, but come on, they would get me in a matter of seconds.
Result: Even I don't know
sudo write terrible thing
Look, I use Linux, so I must be really smart, so like, Sudo is like, like a command you use to tell your computer what to do... yeah. Anyway, I'm going to kill their mascot.
I mean this in the least way possible as I know that a lot of time and work has been put into making a product, but I unironically hate this mascot. They're so... Ugly and creepy and they just have this stupid look on their stupid face. God, I remember when this mascot was announced. This was, in fact, the second Sudo mascot, the first being this shield, admittently not that interesting, but it was a downgrade to what we have now.
With that said, this is a bit of a Schrödinger's Cat situation where I don't know what will happen until reality kicks in. When I fight the sandwich, will all of their innerds (AKA food toppings) fall out and they will die at once, or will they walk towards me and I'll be there sobbing away as they start to, I don't know, eat at my arm? Who knows, either way, keep that thing away from me.
One project that I did not know I was excited to see would be Open Surge, a retro throwback 2D platformer, clearly very inspired by Sonic the Hedgehog games (I mostly say that as I'm a dirty furry). Not only is this a good idea for an open-source game, but it's also very well made.
So, I don't know how else to really say this in a way that isn't just me telling you that I would get obliterated... but I'm going to get turned into the human equivalent of a Caesar salad. I've played the Sonic games and I've played Open Surge, do you know how fast these little creatures are? Don't they have, like, like spin attacks or something?
I am 100% not making it out alive.
Result: I'm killing this MF
Tux is the defacto mascot for Linux, being first shown off in 1996, he was chosen by Linus Torvalds, the person who made Linux, to be the official brand character of the Linux kernel - The penguin was designed by Larry Ewing with an initial suggestion by Alan Cox.
This is no joke when I write these words, but I hate Tux, I hate the way that they look, I hate how smug they are, I just... God... I would beat the living daylights out of this stupid penguin. Even if he was somehow stronger than me, I would overpower them with my pure anger anyway. Tux is dead.
Result: I hope this doesn't get cited at a work interview
As made by Wikimedia Commons user Рождествин (a name that Google Translate says means Christmas in Russian?), who came up with the idea of «what if Wikipedia was a little girl?»
Well, they came up with Vika (Вики), a name that means «Victoria» in Russian, and is apparently a pun as «Вики» sounds like «wiki» in the language.
Now. Guys. Could I beat up a little girl? Well, let's be honest, that's something that I should talk to my therapist about, but let's just say that the result at the top of this section isn't green for no reason.
Result: Depends on where the battle is
I like the idea of Funkwhale a lot as it is meant to be a replacement for websites like those of Spotify, Bandcamp, and Soundcloud.
With Funkwhale, you can upload your own audio and even host your own instance of the app. One thing that I did not like about the project is seemly, there is no RSS button that you can follow an account with, unlike something like PeerTube or Mastodon, but despite this, Funkwhale is a project that I will hope does well.
Okay, now that's over with, let's talk about killing their mascot!
So, this is a bit of a hard one for me, first off, let's ignore that there are three whales here and pretend that there is only one (not like it matters all that much), second, I am unsure who would win as, well, whales live in the sea and can't live on the land, unlike me. So. If this battle were to happen on land, I would win as I could just wait for the poor thing to slowly die, if it happened in the sea, the whale would win cuz they could just eat me. Either way, the real winner is Capitalism and how we are all a slave to it - yeah, that's right, social commentary, bet ya didn't expect to see it on this page, now did ya, kid?
Result: People are not going to like me
Wikipedia is a website that you loved using when you were in school, so much so that you could copy and paste the text from it into your works, annoying your teachers - don't trust Wikipedia, kids, anyone can edit it!! (Ignore that you need to cite your sources.)
I feel, much like Ai (藍) of Misskey, Wikipe-tan is going to be on her computer all day, making edits to Wikipedia and bitching on the Talk pages, so she's going to be an easy target for someone like myself (I 100% go to the gym every day and pump iron), so taking her on is going to be a piece of pie, however, what would the backlash be like? You see, loads of people use and love Wikipedia, so would that mean if I won, would people hate me?
Okay, sure I could beat the ever-loving crap out of Puppy Linux and Kiwi the owl, but I really feel like me losing would be a blessing in disguise as a way for people not to despise my guts.
So, in theory? Yes, I could win, but in reality? Mmmm, I might need to take one for the team.
Result: Too easy
In the early days of Wikipedia, a mascot competition to see what the project should use was started, despite of this, no-one really won, Wikipe-tan is only the mascot unofficially. I guess the «true» mascot is the round globe that we all know, but that's kind of boring compared to having a mascot like Wikipe-tan.
Regardless of all of this, one of the proposed mascots was Wikipedia, a shy bug who «sits under trees and avoids controversy and conflict»;
Naturally, Kip is unemployed and on the Dole, though he searches (halfheartedly, he admits) for work when he is not glued to recent changes in search of vandals and crackpot theory pushers. Kip has an annoying habit of speaking in the third person – for example, when asked by an editor if he could undelete several Gaia theory articles, he stated "Kip is not your servant."
The little bug has a few other designs, but I opted to use the one below as I feel a whole lot less bad by telling you all that I would win this deathmatch, quite easily in fact, by stepping on him.
Yep, that's it. I'd step on him.
Result: Much the same as Wikipede
A final proposed mascot for Wikipedia and this time it's Wikiworm!
Okay, I'll say it, if Wikipedia were to have an official mascot, I might say that I would vote for this little worm here. They seem very cute and cheerful to me, plus I find it cute that their creator, someone that I only know by their IP, made them look like the letter W - very cool.
Annnd here's the part where I talk about killing them (sorry). Look, they are a worm, most creatures could kill them, and I'm most a creature. *stomp*
Image credit (image made larger thanks to waifu2x)
Okay, so there have been a few other mascots that were proposed back in the day for Wikipedia and are also semi-used for other Wikimedia projects. As I don't really have all that much to say about them, but ultimately want to put them on this page, I made a
Hydra: Sod this, I'm going to get eaten and not in a hot way. This is a dragon with five heads. Bye-bye.
Miwiki: A small ant that all I have to do is step on, yippee.
Puzzly: Not sure here, they seem kind and friendly, but they might have some manic range building inside, so let's call it even.
Sun Wiki (孙维基): Let's be real, I'm not going to mess with any primate, I'm going to get bitten, scratched, and just torn apart. There is a killer behind that smile.
Wikimedia beetle: Too easy - sorry
WikipediaWolf: I'm a sucker for furry mascots at the end of the day and this is no exception, WikipediaWolf is cool and I can 100% tell they were made by a furry lol, but anyway, yeah, I'm going to get ripped apart.
Result: I'm getting bitten
Xenia was made in the late 1990s as an alternative Linux mascot over Tux. She was made by Al Mackey; an article about the history of Xenia can be found here.
Could I beat up Xenia? Could Cass beat up someone that they have made so much fanart of? I don't know, and that's the issue. on one hand, we are talking about silly «what ifs», but also, it is Xenia and she is a darling.
Okay, let's just call it a draw as I'm sure that if I try and mess with her, she would get super pissed and bite me.
Result: I'm going to stomp on this poor creature
Xfce is a free and open-source desktop environment that is made for Linux and other Unix-like operating systems. It is meant to be fast and lightweight while still being able to have visually appealing and easy to use tools.
As Xue is just a mouse, I feel like our fight will be easy as all I really need to do is just step on her, but let's face it, I feel like that would be a dull fight, I think I will give her a better chance - she might even bite me a little, but at the end of the day, she's still going to get squeezed.
This page is going to bite me in the butt one day and that was terrible.
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